Should I start something new or should I work on something I’ve already started? I think I’ll grab an idea I’ve been working on and see what I can flesh out.
I worked on an idea several years ago. We should always feed or dreams and squash the dream killers. So, I have decided that since I am no longer connected to my main dream killer, I will pursue the guts and structure of my favorite story.
I was excited to see the notation on the NaNoWriMo website that encouraged working on new or old ideas. I have always started fresh ON November 1st. This year I have my outline and I have the dream captured in my Microsoft Word program. There is no right way to get a novel done. I will, however, write without editing.
I always write and edit, write and edit. Two steps forward and one step back. Never getting ahead. I will write until my eyes bleed and not be concerned about editing until after November 30th. This is MY way this year. My plan is to write, write and write with no editing at all. I will put it away for the month of December and enjoy my new home with my new found old love (2 years November 3rd) and after 36 years apart and three marriages between us we are finally happy. Maybe I’ll write about that next year.
If you have never experienced NANOWRIMO (National Novel Writing Month) look it up and if the way you express yourself is through words, this may become a favorite yearly activity. Every November people from all over come together to encourage, be challenged and write a 50,000 word novel in one month.
I am so excited to start writing this year. I want to flesh out the book that I have stored inside me. I want to finish a complete idea and then clean it up and make it the story that it is meant to be. I want to be a published author. I have had that dream since I was 14-years-old and read my first V.C. Andrews book. As I read Flowers in the Attic I could feel the sunshine and smell the dust. Her writing is what peaked my interest and made me want to make someone else feel and smell and have their senses tickled.
My inspriation
Here’s to wrapping up 2020 with an amazing NANOWRIMO and putting forth the effort it takes to have a workable novel at the end of November.
I battle depression and anxiety daily … hourly … by the minute. God has helped me find His grace and become settled enough to give grace to others. I do take medications due to surgeries and missing hormones, but I am not a victim to the depression and anxiety as I once have been. That’s why I use the word “battle” … without help, I would surely fail. With God I believe all things are possible. He helps me battle and lends me warriors to help in this crazy world.
Sheets of Armor is a phrase that somehow makes some think of a level of protection that is strong. This is what God showed me to be an accurate depiction of how society is a “show me” society. Faith is considered a weakness since there is no hard evidence that can be felt, seen, tasted, heard, or smelled.
If you’ve never noticed, the next time you wash sheets and put them on the bed notice the crisp, clean sheets, and the fresh smell. When the day is over, and you get to crawl into the bed that has those freshly cleaned sheets, take in the way the sheets feel and how it all smells. Notice how you can feel the crispness of the sheets and how each layer is so wrinkle free and taut. The next night notice how the sheets are taut as you had left the bed this morning when you made it. Feel how nice the sheets are even though the crispness is gone.
By the end of the week, the wrinkles are not as easy to make taut and the freshness of wash day is gone. The wrinkles are part of your sleep routine … for now. With the crispness gone after the first night, the sheets are washed and a new set is put on the bed. Once again, the night finds the sheets taut, crisp, and smelling fresh.
Now imagine you are in church on Sunday morning and the message is about putting on the full armor of God. The verses are from Ephesians 6:10-18 NIV – 11 Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. 12 For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. 13 Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. 14 Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, 15 and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. 16 In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. 17 Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. 18 And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the Lord’s people.
On Monday, you go to work clothed in the Armor of God and ready. By the end of the day the armor is dented and the belt is frayed and the sword is very used. Feeling defeated, you fall into bed thinking this day was extraordinarily taxing. By the end of the week, the armor is even more dented and rusted and the sword is broken and the shoes are worn out. The dents and rust are part of your routine … for now. By Sunday, you fall into the church pew exhausted. In your mind, you review your week and how awful everything was. You have forgotten about the armor. You have forgotten why you go to church.
After church, you realize that you feel revitalized. Your armor has been repaired and you are ready for another week out in the world. You go to lunch with some people from church and tell them your thoughts. They are very encouraging and discuss their own trials and dented armors. You feel even better about the week to come knowing you are not alone in your journey.
You fall into bed feeling the taut, crisp sheets and inhaling the fresh smell and realize that just like the sheets that need to be cleaned and changed, your armor needs to be repaired, inspected, and cleaned regularly. Some parts may need renewing but following His direction will be the best part of slaying the dragons that show up to dent your armor and destroy your sword in an effort to destroy you. It is the enemy’s pleasure to trip you up and attempt to destroy what God has made you to be. But God will answer prayers and renew your soul as long as you ask Him. Pray without ceasing.
So, enjoy the taut, crisp sheets and put on your armor daily. Even if you stay in your bed all day, put on your armor. Be prepared at all times.
The “C” word is hard to hear and even harder to say. Until you realize it’s part of your life it’s even hard to think about. You hear of people being healed and in remission and you also hear of those who don’t make it as long as we think they should have.Lives cut short because of the 6 letter “C” word.
The dreaded “C” word. Cancer. It stands alone as a word, as a phrase, or even as an entire chapter. It changes lives from the moment it is uttered. Changes for more than the person who was given the word, but for family, friends, coworkers and even those who only hear that the person was given the word. It is overwhleming for the person diagnosed but it is also numbing. It is very hard to find words of comfort if you have never been touched by the word.
Please choose your words carefully. Think how you would answer if you were asked a question. Be sensitive and don’t say things like: “Well, if you have to have it, that’s a good cancer to have.” “You’re so brave.” “If anyone can beat this, you can.” “Have you tried …?” “Remember, someone else has it worse.”
Say things like the following: “I don’t know what to say, but please know that I care.” “Please let me know how I can help.” “I’m sorry to hear you’re going through this.” “How are you doing?” And listen to what they are saying. Sometimes it helps to get thoughts out. Not in any particular order, but to just get it out.
My doctor actually said, “If you have to have cancer, this is a good one to have because we have so many options these days. So, don’t start off thinking the worst.” It felt like ice water being thrown over my head and being given a sock to dry off with. My husband, at the time, was more concerned with how long I’d be out of work than my diagnosis. Atypical Ductal Hyperplasia, with the cancer being found in the ducts of my left breast, was what I was told. Listening, but not hearing had me looking up the words after I got home. I had to have radiation and also went that alone. Every morning before work for weeks. I didn’t want pity or to give up, but there were times I needed to cry. To break down in someones arms and just cry. And he wasn’t there for me.
My biological mother died of breast cancer in 1968. They didn’t have the technology nor the medical ability that there is today for her to have had a chance. She had been diagnosed before age 32, I’m told. She was 34 years old when she passed. I have been told that she had a mastectomy, but there is no one to confirm if it was one or both and I do not have any other information concerning her cancer battle.
I had been having mammograms since the age of 30 because of her passing. I credit my gynocologist with finding it in 2014 when she removed my cervix. She wanted me to have an MRI mammogram and 6 months later have a regular mammogram. She made my appointment and the MRI showed the cancer. I was in shock and so many things ran through my head.
The surgeon said it might be overkill, but they could remove all the ductal tisssue as well as the internal breast tissue and replace it with fatty tissue. I was all for it because that would mean I would be worry free from another instance of breast cancer. My husband stated that we could wait and if it came back, we could think about it then. That left me worried and unsettled about the future. I knew as I got older, recovery would be harder. He would hear nothing of it. He just wanted to know how long I’d be out of work. I regret my decision every day that I wake up.
Two days before my final radiology appointment, I had a horrible gall bladder attack and needed emergency surgery. I did not have my last two doses and the oncologist said they were two of the highest dose sessions, but it should be ok. I took Tamoxifen for 5 years. It is supposed to hinder the growth of cancer cells. I am now 6 years cancer free! I still look over my shoulder thinking it’s chasing me, but I get my mammograms and am blessed thus far.
I Am Betsilyn 