What does it really take to become a friend? What investments are there? What risks do we take? What do we gain? And what do we ultimately lose?
At one time, friendships were grown. Two people invested time, effort, trust and knowlege in each other. In today’s high tech society we invest in friendships we may never be able to invest anything other than a few mouse clicks and some encouraging words. We like the same things so we must be friends. Right?
We throw the word ‘friend’ around like we have become used to saying we “love” everything. I love Chinese food … I love my car … I love my home. When in fact we enjoy these things and maybe even immensely enjoy these things. I truly enjoy Chinese cuisine. A lot. I have a car that suits my needs and I really enjoy driving and travelling in it. I really enjoy my home because it has everything I need and many things that I consider above my needs and maybe in my list of wants.
We know people on Facebook because they are our friends by friend request. What if you were sent a character statement for one of your Facebook friends? Could you really account for their character? For their reliability? Granted some we do know, but a lot are friends of friends or members of groups we have joined or people we knew a long time ago and were reconnected through social media.
I have numerous people that I chat with and exchange ideas and pleasantries with as well as discussing whatever drew us to each other in the first place. Crafts, cats, dogs, books, home decor and numerous other things that intrigue us. Then there are a couple of really close friends that I am mutually invested in. We have spent time together, shared secrets, shared dreams and heartaches. We have become close with each others’ families and when we make comments on social media we are doing so in a heartfelt manner. Not just a formality.
Feelings tend to give us freedom to express ourselves. Good, bad or indifferent. What we feel is shared on social media with people we know and those that we are acquaintances with. Do we really want the deepest threads of our souls bared for all to see? I think not. And then here I am baring my soul.
Should we revamp our “friends list”? Facebook and our real lives. Christianity teaches to love the sinner and hate the sin and that we all are sinners. Does that mean we are to become intertwined in each others’ lives to a point that we cannot discern who is trustworthy and who just needs someone to use as a soundboard? Again, I think not. We do have to guard ourselves, but we also need that closeness it takes to share the pain, joy, love and intrigue it takes to sort our feelings.
A true friend celebrates you and encourages you. A true friend will tell you when you mess up and help you through the mess. Be mindful of who you share anything with … before you share. I have a couple of friends that are celebrating my new home, my four hour move from them to start a new life, my new relationship and even my new dishes for my new kitchen … with me. I can’t imagine sharing the smallest of details with any other people. We have already shared so much that it is second nature to call or text them at a minute’s notice.
Distance yourself from the drama and “neediness” that comes with the vague relationships we have at the click of a mouse. The need to feed a relationship that is not growing. Invest in the relationships that are worthy of your time, your energy and your details. We lose nothing if we have invested nothing.
I Am Betsilyn 